Red Means Stop, Green Means Go
by The-Saiyan-From-Hyrule
Summary: Bardock is stuck giving Goku a driving lesson.


**Disclaimer: Goku will have his own car before I own DBZ...**

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A Saiyan woman was rummaging through her fridge early one morning, looking for something to make breakfast with. The house was dead silent since her husband and both children were asleep; or so she thought.

She continued looking through the jam packed shelves, while complaining about not having enough food. She's searching, and searching, and searching, and searching, and- "MOMMY!" a loud shriek sounded from behind, nearly giving the woman a heartattack.

She turned around to face the shrieker, who was only her youngest son, Goku. "Kakarot! WHAT the heck is wrong with you!?"

"Sorry mom..." Goku blushed, while scratching his head, "I guess I got a little too excited, heh, heh..."

"So excited, you had to kill me!?" the angry Saiyan yelled, "What is it that's **so **important?"

"Look!" the young boy raised his tiny hand, to show her the object he was carrying. His mother took one look, then began to sweat. "I-is t-that?"

Goku flashed a big smile, then spoke five words his parents, his older brother, the neighbors, Frieza, Cell, and even the sheep on Old MacDonald's farm feared coming from him, "I got my learner's permit!"

The color completely drained from his mama's face, and even more beads of sweat formed on her crown, "L-l-learner's... permit? Y-you mean, for driving???"

"Yep! _Why is mom's face suddenly blue?_"

Goku's older brother, Raditz walked into the kitchen, then casually took a seat at the table while letting out a yawn. Their mother looked at the said person, then pointed her nervous finger at him, "Show your brother," she said, "show your brother!"

Confused, Raditz just sat there staring at his mom and brother. Goku approached his confused sibling, then showed him, "I got my learner's permit!"

"ARE THEY CRAZY!? Err I mean, congratulations little brother!"

"Thanks!" Goku grinned, "Now who's gonna teach me to drive?"

Raditz joined his mother in her nervous shaking and sweating, what were they going to do now?

"What's with all the yelling? I'm trying to sleep!" Everyone turned their heads to the door, where Bardock was standing, obviously not happy about being woke up early.

"Ask dad, ask dad!" Raditz said, sounding like his mother. Bardock blinked in confusion, wondering whay everyone was talking about.

Goku approached his father with the permit in hand, "Will you teach me to drive?" he asked, with a big smile on his face.

"I-uh-yu-ga... ASK YOUR MOTHER!" his father replied.

"...But mom's not here." Goku said.

"What?" Bardock looked over at the spot the said person was, the refrigerator door was still open, with nobody standing there. And the chair Raditz sat in, was knocked over on the floor. He also couldn't help, but notice the back door swaying with the wind.

He looked back down at Goku, who was still smiling, "Oh crap..."

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"Are you buckled in yet?" Bardock asked, while strapped in, on the passenger seat of the car.

"How do you do that?" Goku said.

"Are you going to learn how to drive, or make stupid jokes!?" Bardock snapped, not in the mood for his son's antics.

Goku looked down in embarassment, "Sorry dad..."

"First take the key and stick it in the ignition," Bardock instructed, "then turn it sideways."

Goku took the shiny, metal key in hand, and slid it's toothy body into it's rightful spot, then began fiddling with the rubbery slot.

"Turn the key, **not **the ignition!" Bardock said. Goku began pulling it toward himself, nearly bending the key. Bardock slapped his forehead, "NO!" he yelled, "Twist it, like you're trying to unravel a twist tie!"

"Why didn't you say so in the first place?" Goku said. Bardock clenched his fists almost tight enough to make them bleed, most likely to restrain himself from killing that boy.

At long last, Goku **finally **started up the car. The engine let out a few good roars, and the clock lit up along with the young driver's face. "Yaaahoooo!" the boy cheered, "What do I do next, daddy?" he could barely contain his excitement.

"To make the car go, you press the right pedal down with your foot." Bardock instructed.

His son did as he was told, but pushed the left one instead. "No!" Bardock said, "Your other right!"

Goku scratched the back of his head, his face turning pink, "Heh, heh, heh... I always get left and right confused..."

"Just start driving." The old Saiyan had just about run out of patience, that kid was driving him nuts!

Goku rested his foot on the right pedal. Bardock sat and watched, until he remembered something at the last second, "Make sure you push gently or-"

VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There the car went, barreling down the wide open road so fast, even a racecar driver would get scared. "KAKAROT! SLOW DOWN BEFORE YOU GET US KILLED!!!" Bardock shrieked. Goku took his eyes off the road and looked at his dad, "How do you stop?" he asked, remaining freakishly calm.

"DON'T TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THE ROAD!"

"Oh, oops... What do I do?" he asked again.

Bardock panted heavily, his heart racing almost as fast as the car. He then began to notice something was quickly approaching them, it was a- "TREE!!! Left pedal! PUSH THE LEFT PEDAL!!!"

The vehicle was headed straight for a huge tree, just seconds away from hitting it. Without hesitation, Goku slammed on the brake. SCREEEEEEECH! The tires skidded and squealed against the smooth pavement, coming to quick stop. Goku gripped the steering tightly, to prevent the sudden halt from tossing him out of his seat.

Bardock was not so lucky. The seat belt was ripped out of anything and everything it was connected to, sending the passenger right through the windshield, and crashing into the tree.

Goku jumped out of the vehicle to run to his father's side. "Are you okay dad?" he said.

"Nnnnngggg... Ehhhh..." Bardock was sprawled out on the hard ground, needless to say, in incredible pain.

Poor, poor Bardock...

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"500 zeni for a new windshield, and 4,000 for the doctor's bill!" Bardock grumbled, while limping toward the car. Both, him and his son got resituated in their seats, then got the vehicle started again. Goku gently pressed down on the pedal... Driving the car through the side of the hospital.

The driver stared blankly at the awful mess, with a huge sweatdrop hanging from the side of his face.

"You were SUPPOSED to put the car in reverse!" Bardock growled.

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20,000 zeni, to pay for damages to the hospital building... At this rate, we're gonna have to **live **in our car!" Bardock crossed his arms, while waiting for Goku to get the car started.

The young Saiyan started the vehicle, put it into reverse, then gently pressed the pedal, backed out **safely**, then set off.

After few little incidents involving traffic lights and stop signs, Goku finally got the hang of it. And pretty soon, he was driving skillfully.

Bardock kicked back a little in his seat, wondering if this nightmare was ever going to end. They continued to cruise around pleasantly, until they came to the freeway.

The freeway sign quickly caught Bardock's eye, causing him to sweat uncontrollably. "K-Kakarot, what are you doing?"

"I'm going on the freeway, of course!" he said, while turning on to the ramp.

Bardock was nervous at first, but little Goku just kept driving along. "_This isn't so bad..._" he thought, then kicked back again.

Not long after, Bardock watched a car pass by them from side window next to him. Another car passed by him, then another, and another, and another. He watched one car pass by after another until he realized something... They were all going the opposite way!

Bardock sprang up in sitting position and watched in horror, as a horde of cars were swarming toward them.

"Why are all those cars coming toward us?" Goku asked.

"You idiot! Did you enter the ramp with the sign that said wrong way!?"

Goku sat there silently for a moment, "Ohhhhh..."

Bardock buried his head in his hands, as deeply as he could, wondering whether to scream in anger, or or to start crying.

"Well," Goku said, "only one thing to do!" As the both sides began to cross paths, he began to swerve and zig-zag right through the line of traffic. Cars honked, people screamed, and Bardock turned deathly pale.

"Uh-oh!" Goku said, "Hang on, dad! These cars are too close together to pass by them. The only way we can do it, is to go faster!" The little Saiyan stepped on the gas, then in one daring attempt, he swiftly veered off to the left.

They had just barely made it, just to come face to face with a semi.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" Bardock screamed, his life flashing before his eyes. Goku moved into the emergency lane, just as truck was about to hit them. The elder Saiyan froze in place with his jaw hanging wide open, "I think I'm gonna be sick..."

"Look," Goku said, "there's the exit err, entrance!" He drove down the ramp, then pulled onto the right lanes.

"Kakarot..." Bardock said, while covering his own mouth, "Pull over, I'm gonna hurl!"

The driver pulled off the side of the road, then came to a complete stop. Bardock burst out of the car and ran straight for a bush. Goku got out and walked up to him, slamming the car door behind him. "Do you want me to hold your hair back for you?" Goku said, Bardock eyed him evily.

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"500 zeni for a new engine, 50 for a lunch which I threw up, and 70 to fill the gas tank!" Bardock muttered, while walking up to the front door of his house.

"Hey dad," Goku said, "I'm sorry I locked the keys in the car while it was still running..."

"Shutup..." Bardock said, without looking at him.

"They're home, mother!" Raditz hollered, as his father and brother walked in the door.

"What do you want now!?" the mother snapped while walking in the room.

"Dad and Kakarot are home now."

"They're still alive?" she said, suprised.

"I **am **still alive! _No thanks to you... _But you won't be for much longer!"

"Aw, come on pops," Raditz said, "at least you had some good father-son quality time!"

"I'll show you father-son quality time!" Bardock formed a sphere of energy in his right hand and chucked it at his eldest son, who dodged it, then ran to the kitchen and out the back door.

Bardock eyed his mate next, "Here," he said, "Here's an early anniversary present!" then threw it at her.

She avoided it, then followed Raditz's path out the door. Bardock pursued both of them, as he continued to bombard them with attacks.

"Wait!" Goku yelled, while trying to catch up, "Who's gonna take me to get my license?"

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**Sooo... Whadya think? Was it good? Stupid? Please review on your way out!**


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